Anyone else's parents threw away/destroyed all of their meaningful, personal possessions?

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Defiant-Unicorn · 2021-10-07T00:58:53+00:00

I relate to this completely. My sister would even more. For me, she sold the car that I paid for in high school 2 days after I left for college. She spent the money on herself. My sister came home from boot camp to find her room not only completely emptied, but repainted and every last item of hers gone forever.

daisymaefanaccount · 2021-10-07T01:00:47+00:00

Whoa reading this made me realize that my mother’s behavior was uncalled for and toxic. I similarly had lots of my belongings that gave me even the tiniest slice of an identity or self-expression completely destroyed or thrown away by my mother. I never understood why. My paintings, my journals, my music and clothes gifted from friends… tossed. Many times I would dig things out of the trash, sentimental things and have to hide them. Wow thank you for posting this. This further validated my mother’s narcissism and my fearful avoidant attachment style as a result. You’re right, they are jealous. They are jealous of who we are—-unique, special, creative human beings that they could never be.

GenXed · 2021-10-07T03:57:50+00:00

My mother routinely destroyed my belongings in dramatic ways. She would periodically decide certain animals or symbols were “evil,” like peace signs, frogs, or unicorns. The things she considered evil were of course whatever I was interested in at the time. I would come home to find my room emptied of my possessions and once I found a bonfire of my things in the front yard.

I liked to write fiction and personal essays. I kept my stories in a notebook which I carried around with me because I didn’t want my mother to read my writings and/or destroy it. Then one day a teacher took it from me and read it in front of the class. Everyone laughed and I was teased. I started hiding my notebook in my room, but my mother would find it and destroy it. After, she would make snide comments about my stories so I would know she read them. I stopped writing and didn’t start again until my 40s.

Queen_of_flatulence · 2021-10-07T01:03:59+00:00

I remember when I was around 7 or 8 (maybe 6) my stepdad put a fire cracker on the back of me and my sister's Barbie car with a few of our dolls inside, and then lit it. He destroyed my Barbie car and a few my dolls. Now, I don't think he did this maliciously, he's not the sharpest tool in the shed, but he laughs about it even now.

Later when I was around 10 or so my parents decided that I wasn't keeping my room clean so they gathered all the toys I had and threw them out. Even this new toy that I had just gotten as a gift from a family friend. It was this white stuffed poodle that came in a little purple purse. If I had the chance I probably would get another one.

whyu44 · 2021-10-07T02:26:00+00:00

I was super insecure in middle school and she knew that because I would beg her to buy me makeup, colored contacts, extensions, and fake nails. I would usually run 5-10 minutes late every morning since the school she chose for me to go to (narcissism embodied as a school) was 45 minutes away and I had to wake up extremely early which was difficult. She got super upset I was running a few minutes late and took my makeup box and threw it all over the front yard, breaking the box and cracking many other containers and powders. To discard and break the one thing that was singlehandedly maintining my oz of self esteem as if it were trash was fucking cruel.

Pink_eve788 · 2021-10-07T02:51:53+00:00

My mom would take anything for grounding purposes and I'd never get it back. Brand new iPhone? Give her the password and she would go through it and delete all my social media accounts, wipe the phone and then put all of her stuff onto it. I was disrespectful so it was her phone now. New iPad? Broken and smashed when I did anything she didn't like. Surprise room checks also sucked she would throw out everything I had. Clothes, makeup, random little things I likes, just because she could. One day i considered leaving and put everything i had into bags and she found it all before i had the chance to leave and said everything i found was in bags so I threw it all away. She knew what I was trying to do so she threw it all away. Rn I'm still struggling with the lack of clothes I have but I leave in 3 months yay!

KyraSandy · 2021-10-07T07:32:14+00:00

Yes, god they are really all the same, what is going on? While I still lived there, they would tell me my interests were diabolical and weird... Ok I get how Spawn comics might seem demonic to them lol, but Neil Gaiman's Sandman? Normal comic books? They just wanted to criticize all of my hobbies and make me think I was weird for enjoying them.

When I moved out, they placed all their junk in my old room (they didn't actually need to use it, they had enough space already), and they moved all of MY childhood memorabilia outside on a patio, not even covered in anything, just laying there, some in open cardboard boxes, others in between them. We're talking about art projects, drawings, diaries, sketchbooks, actual books, comic books, magazines, dvds, games, e v e r y t h i n g. Collectible or not. It's like they hated me and wanted to erase my existence from their home.

They then filled the room with hoarding stuff, let a cat give birth in there, didn't provide a litterbox, let the cat and the kittens piss and shit in there for months, and then they removed the cats and just left everything as it was.

When I moved in last year, I found my stuff in that condition, and the bottom of one of the boxes was actually filled with cockroach eggs. That's when I decided nothing could be salvaged and just threw everything out. Too bad cause I really wanted to keep some of that stuff :( It had sentimental value. But at some point you have to accept defeat.

MagicDancer5678 · 2021-10-07T04:53:01+00:00

My parents would take my journals when they found them (and they were hidden very well, so obviously my parents were spending a lot of time searching around for them). Oddly, they would keep the journals stashed away somewhere. I found them in storage boxes when I was older.

Also, my mom is a a religious nut. She would take clothes that weren’t modest enough (i.e. shorts), and I would never see them again. Ironically, she became more religious as time went on, so some of the confiscated clothes were things that she had once bought for me, but suddenly she realized were “immodest.”

I bought a colored bra with some lace on it once. I wanted to feel pretty and feminine like any other teenage girl. Unfortunately, this made me a whore and it mysteriously went missing one day.

2021-10-07T10:29:51+00:00

During our house moves, Nmom threw away most of what I owned, no reason or warning given. Sentimental things like love letters, gifts from friends I'll never see again, belongings from dead grandparents. My art and sewing projects, my guitar. I don't really keep things or do those hobbies often anymore, it hurts to start, it's like I'm unconsciously braced for it to be taken away again.

2021-10-07T02:56:29+00:00

They wouldn’t destroy things outright. If I had a nice collectible piece they’d break off one part (Disney castle figure, they snap off a turret). Or they would “barrow” my computer and uninstall or reconfigure apps because “they clicked on the wrong thing”.

They always knew what they were doing because they’d sit and watch for my reaction. I built 6 computers for one brother over 2 years and when I said no to a #7 I was evil and a bastard.

seiren88 · 2021-10-07T08:07:27+00:00

My nMom threw away all of the books I bought with my own money. Her reasoning was because they were dealing with termites. I asked my best friend if she'd mind taking them over until I can pick them up again and she agreed right away. But noooooooooo my nMom said it's not a good idea because they'd be a burden to my bestie and proceeded to throw them away just like that.

I'm still mourning over my precious Lovecraft book.

2021-10-07T09:59:50+00:00

Not my ndad specifically, but when his BPD girlfriend moved in six months after they met, she went through the house and trashed everything which could even only be tangentially connected to myself or my mother.

I know how much this hurts, and I won’t lie to you, it’s really, really hard. It’s difficult to live through, for sure, but you know just as well as the rest of us that the biggest challenge is attempting to accept it.

I’d like to posit that you don’t have to. You do not have to fight every nerve of your body telling you this is wrong and hurts just for the sake of forgiveness.

Bitterness is bad for us, and I’m sure we’ve all tried to find a loophole there, but there’s an oasis of a middle ground: live. Go out there and fucking live without checking back over your shoulder.

Once you arrive at your real life- the one you’ve always deserved and were always entitled to- it’s the sweetest revenge, and the best part is that you won’t even care enough about the people who have hurt you to want revenge at that point.

Your old life was painful. You’re beginning your real life now, and we got you now, not those people who didn’t realize how valuable a person you are and how much more precious they should have realized their time with you was.

It’s exhausting as hell, and it’s going to be hard, but keep moving one foot in front of the other until those people who did this have become smaller and smaller behind you and then eventually disappear.

You’ll get yourself out of this. You’re strong, you’re smart, you have the ability to do it, and any time it gets really hard, you’ve honestly got us, dude. Don’t doubt or give up on yourself; you got this!

ETA: also wanted to add that I know it feels kind of like you’re being “erased”, for lack of a better word, but you’re not. You are here, you’re here to stay, and you’re so much more important than anything which could ever be erased. Seriously.

WalktoTowerGreen · 2021-10-07T11:57:29+00:00

Lots of time. Mostly my mother randomly threw away or destroyed my things just cause she could.

The worst time was when my mother piled my backpack and all my clothes on my bed and poured a giant pot of bean soup all over it. I was at a friend’s house but it wasn’t about me, she was “punishing my father” apparently. (He is her faithful enabler and punching bag)

I was 13 years old and couldn’t get the smell out of that backpack for the rest of the year. Not to mention that I couldn’t turn in a bunch of school work because I couldn’t face explaining the situation to all of my teachers. I’m 32 now and can still remember the smell of rancid beans.

hmphys · 2021-10-07T14:06:07+00:00

Yes I feel so seen by this post. I was really into art growing up... in high school, I worked a minimum wage job to pay for oil pastels and other art supplies. My mom grounded me almost every weekend for the last two years of high school (usually for “having a tone of voice” after she was abusive), so I spent that alone time honing my art skills and drawing and painting.

When my parents got divorced at the end of senior year, she threw all of my art supplies and artwork into the trash as they were splitting up our belongings. Even the artwork I made as gifts for her. I believe she even dumped water all over some of my canvases.

Of course, my journals and other sentimental belongings all went in the trash as well, but the art hurt the most.

For some reason, I interpreted this as “my art is garbage” and pursued a career in the health sciences that I hated. This year (10 years later) I finally realized that’s a false narrative and am now pursuing a creative career. I really do think that jealously plays a huge role in this and I feel so empowered to have unlearned the toxic messages she was trying to send me

Shwa34 · 2021-10-07T07:38:45+00:00

I had comics I drew with friends back in middle school that mysteriously "disappeared" years later. Turns out nmom shoved them in a box in the back of a closet. Then one day she "discovered" them and destroyed them in plain sight before I could do anything. Things like this have happened several times.

Similarly, my clothes would disappear with no rhyme or reason. And - surprise! - she hoards clothes and shoes. When I was kid I only had access to a fraction of my closet because she had so many clothes that she started using mine for overflow.

StickyFigs · 2021-10-07T10:07:28+00:00

When I was a young teen, my family lived in this tiny apartment that had a storage space in the basement. We loaded it up with most stuff we had that didn't fit elsewhere. Allegedly, the landlord kept telling my mom that unless she put a padlock on the storage space, he was going to throw out everything in there.

One day, I went down to the basement only to find it completely empty. And for years I thought the landlord did it. Now, though? Knowing what I know about my mom? I think she did it and used the landlord as an excuse to toss out my and my sisters old toys.

Many years later, after I'd moved out and left a lot of my stuff with her, we found ourselves there again. This time though, she said my stuff had gotten water damaged and she had to throw it out. The only thing that survived was my first bass, which I think she only kept because she bought it for me. It's more money than she's willing to destroy out of spite. Oh, and before the water damage, there was conveniently enough time for her to read my old diaries. And for her to tell me that they were creepy.

Piipperi800 · 2021-10-07T11:56:50+00:00

Isn’t parents taking away your stuff pretty much a normal thing for narcistic parents?

My narcistic stepfather tried to take my computer away with every instance he could, he would put up the most annoying rules which were very difficult especially for me to follow. He even tried to take my phone away but at that point I wouldn’t have had anything to live for so I’d have just yeeted myself.

Also I think he once even tried to make a claim to authorities about my ”behaviour” of not listening to him so I would have been taken to hostage, and I’m sure he would just have sold all my crap once I was gone.

BrettFoot99 · 2021-10-07T10:54:22+00:00

I got a big thing of classic legos and I loved mostly playing with the mini-figures and had a whole tub of them and then one day it just diss appears, also all my birthday presents at my Nmoms got thrown away after birthday weekend cause a uncle at the time put a pile of shit in my room while I was getting brainwashed at my Nfathers.

2021-10-07T11:49:27+00:00

I have nothing funny thing is I don’t remember any toys either now that I’m reading everyone else’s.

Scotch-by-Mule · 2021-10-07T12:17:15+00:00

All the family photos. Gone. My children have never seen a picture of me as a child.

prettyfarts · 2021-10-07T12:42:49+00:00

one of my brighter traumatic memories. I'm sorry friend.

DaoNayt · 2021-10-07T12:59:03+00:00

In high school I wore these All-Stars that were signed by all of my friends. They were unique and cool and 100% punk. But I had them for a long time and they were worn and had holes. I was fine with it, I didnt mind but dad was always "You cant wear torn shoes, what will people say about us!". So he threw them away without even telling me. I just noticed they were gone one day.

Like, how much can you NOT CARE about your kid to throw away something like that? Okay, if you don't want me to wear torn shoes, I won't. But dont fucking throw them away! All of my friends are there! I would have kept them as a memento.

samishere996 · 2021-10-07T13:50:05+00:00

Yep, exactly the same. You can imagine my shock when i visited my inlaws for the first time and they had gladly kept everything from my husband’s childhood in their bedroom closet. Even formerly favorite playsets he had told them he no longer wants.

2021-10-07T16:36:17+00:00

Reminds me of this hellish Thanksgiving break I had from college where my dad and his nwife forced me to go through the entirety of material possessions (sorry, I grew up upper middle class, I had a lot of crap to go through, most of which was stuff the rents bought me that I didn't ask for), and they told me I had to go through everything in that one weekend, and that anything I didn't go through would be "shitcanned" or donated.

When my dad and I got back there, even though it was after dark, I immediately tried to start going through stuff because I knew it would take me the entire weekend and I'd be lucky if I ever got through it all. This was my ENTIRE CHILDHOOD. My dad wouldn't let me work on it then, he said I just needed to rest and wouldn't back down, so I gave up and started the next day.

Later that evening, I was in the basement going through stuff and the nwife decided to make up some convoluted bullshit about how I was trying to slight her in some way or I was crazy or something and tried to drag me up the stairs and throw me around. Dad didn't really know what to do. The marriage was only about a year in at the time, but once they got married of course she went ape shiz and it took several years after that weekend for him to leave her. My dad made me something to eat cause I barely ate all day, and the nwife ripped me out of the chair screaming at me and threatening to have me committed and then screamed at me to sit back down. Dad just kinda stood there, dumbfounded.

I called my boyfriend at the time (who was a decent person) and told him what was going on and he drove an hour with some ibuprofen or something and a warm drink because my back was hurting from all the going through crap and lifting boxes and stuff. And my real mom was in town at the time and had to come and pick me and as much as she could carry in her car up and move me out of there because it was either get out or nwife was going to have me committed. My mom told her that when she went in the house, nwife just screamed and hollered and carried on so much she was red and shaking while my dad just stood there having no clue what to do. She ended up taking me back to the friend's house where she was staying and my stuff stayed in their garage until we could move it to my mom's house.

I wasn't able to save all that stuff, but I did save a good bit of it, of the stuff I still wanted. I'm not really bothered that I lost that stuff anymore, I've more or less let it go now because my dad left the crazy nwife several years ago and he and I both talked about our experiences with n-significant others. Like he told me she literally ripped a door off the hinges screaming at him when she was mad one day. This wasn't a big woman, either. Like holy ffff.

There have been other times when my parents have gotten rid of stuff under my nose, but it was usually while I was away for a few days at a camp or something. There wasn't a huge emotional blow up about it.

2021-10-07T02:56:33+00:00

They wouldn’t destroy things outright. If I had a nice collectible piece they’d break off one part (Disney castle figure, they snap off a turret). Or they would “barrow” my computer and uninstall or reconfigure apps because “they clicked on the wrong thing”.

They always knew what they were doing because they’d sit and watch for my reaction. I built 6 computers for one brother over 2 years and when I said no to a #7 I was evil and a bastard.

messedupbeyondbelief · 2021-10-07T06:04:11+00:00

My former NMIL was like this. Always wanting to get rid of my stepdaughter's toys and arguind she was 'spoiled', but NMIL was an active hoarder who had over 2000 dusty, decommissioned library books that were 'off limits' to anyone but her, useless electronics, unused vases, hideous figurines, lead-based paint in cans, and HUNDREDS of pieces of wood. But 'that's not junk, it's perfectly good stuff!'. Bloody hypocrites.

2021-10-07T06:29:52+00:00

This is why I’m slightly worried about going back to my parents house I’m afraid that all my stuff will be gone my room is a mess and I’m afraid she will throw everything I own out (all my prized possessions pictures, books, stuffed animals etc) everything emptied

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