Did your parents ever destroy your toys or belongings when you were a child?

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the-willow-witch · 2021-07-16T16:48:27+00:00

Multiple times in my childhood, my mom would decide (without telling me or warning me) that it was time to clean my room because it was too dirty, and she would literally throw away everything that wasn’t put away correctly. Started when I was a kid and she threw away all my toys, books, and clothes. Then when I was in middle and high school it would be practically everything I owned. Nail polish, makeup, books, clothes, purses, everything.

I also remember once I asked her if I could paint my nails outside and she said yes. Every time I asked her she would say yes. So once when she wasn’t home I painted my nails (I was probably 11 or 12) thinking she’d be fine with it. Well she got mad and threw away her entire collection of nail polish. I didn’t own any, it was all hers that I had borrowed. She said that she was punishing herself so I would learn a lesson. I was just a kid and thought she’d be okay with it. Talk about extreme.

I hated myself for a long time after that. She made me feel so guilty for months and months. Saying things like “I wish I could do my nails but I can’t because you ruined it”

Tired-Of-It-Awe · 2021-07-16T17:10:31+00:00

Yes, during a rage, my mother destroyed all my art. I drew with pastel chalk. I was pretty good. She tore them and stepped on them. I have never attempted to go back and draw again. It was too painful, at the time, to start something and know it may not survive the next Nmom storm. I have my supplies in a box in the garage. I have taken them out from time to time over the years and wanted to try to draw again but the trauma is still there. This isn’t the only thing she destroyed of mine but the most memorable.

Bettyourlife · 2021-07-16T17:15:58+00:00

Yup. She abused my and my sibling endlessly, to the point we stayed in our room pretty much all day every day on our mini laptops. One time she got so pissed off at me (for something I don't even remember, other than it was stupid and a bs excuse to do what she did next). So she took both of our laptops and smashed them on the ground. She hates me more, so she made sure my screen was smashed to hell and back. The distortion made it completely unusable. She did the same to my sister, but hers came out ok. She then started crying and tried claiming that she didn't mean to break the screen but she knew once it hit the floor, that's what she'd done. Which is fucking stupid, because if you didn't mean to do it, you wouldn't have fucking thrown it on the ground. Stupid bitch. But as per narc rules, she acted like the victim and if I hadn't upset her, she wouldn't have had a reason to do it. I hate her guts more every time I think of her. I'm sorry you lost a stuffy.

Enemy_Gene · 2021-07-16T17:44:32+00:00

Omg YES!!! My mother threw my baby blanket in the fire place, as well as several of my dolls in which I sobbed as I watched my dolls faces melt. She took a bat to my treehouse toy when I was 4, she took a bat to my Atari when I was 7, etc etc. It was constant. I have so many awful memories from the things she did. Like, it’s so traumatizing to watch your own mother screaming and smashing something that you love. That shit stays with you forever.

quietlycommenting · 2021-07-16T16:40:39+00:00

Yes! My mum took the bear my father gave me at birth because I was “too attached to it” (just hugged it to sleep and what not) and when I was 9 we moved and she told me my toys were going into “storage” and she just got rid of everything. She would also never let me have gifts from relatives. I still have severe anxiety issues stemming from it. I’m sorry you’ve gone through this too OP it really sucks and it does have lasting effects

TheSouthernRose · 2021-07-16T16:33:32+00:00

My NDad threw away an art kit I got when I was 9. I was learning to draw, and while I wasn’t that good, I enjoyed it. I showed him my latest picture and he threw it, all my pencils, markers, paint and brushes away. Told me I’m wasting my time and I’ll never be talented enough

introusers1979 · 2021-07-16T17:23:56+00:00

One time I broke one of my mother’s (empty) flowerpots (I did do it on purpose. I think I was about 6 so naturally I was a little brat, but I started crying and apologizing almost immediately)

She proceeded to storm inside, grab my favorite fish nightlight, and destroy it on my (concrete) floor. She smashed it, stepped on it, literally decimated it while I stood there sobbing and wailing. I cried for so long I started to wheeze.

That is still a really painful, sad memory. I used to stare at that nightlight to help me fall asleep and it brought me great comfort (it was one of those where the fish swim around the light.) I’ve tried finding another one just like it but I don’t think they make them anymore. And I don’t have a picture of it

mriabtsev · 2021-07-16T17:24:44+00:00

Yes. One of my most vivid and rage inducing memories is my father ripping an Animorphs book in half that I had received 'in exchange for' 'consenting' to rape. I was a child, to be clear.

It taught me that even the fucked up abusive 'rules' I was accustomed to could be thrown out at any time on his whim. Made it very hard to trust people.

KIrkwillrule · 2021-07-16T17:42:31+00:00

I was 8 maybe 10. We had that rug that shaped like city roadways. Ndad wanted our room clean (3 brothers 1 bunkbed) we were slowly doing so when we got distracted playing with our toy cars. My favorite was this old bumpy red jeep. It was slow, knobby little tires that gave it a cool vibration/sound when driving. Way different than the little sports cars.

Dad, annoyed that we were playing not cleaning calls us all in, jears what's happening and tells us to all go get out favorite car. He takes my brothers picks and says they can come back when we can be responsible.

He doesn't belive I'm telling the truth. This ugly pos couldn't possibly be my favorite car. My brother chimes in "that really is his favorite" So he smashes it, it screaming "I'll smash them all if you don't bring me your favorite. Stop lying to me" I grab a random shiney one, lie that its really this one, and satisfied He adds it to his pile and sends brothers back to keep cleaning. He makes me clean up the bits of my smashed jeep.

Can't wait till he dies.

Then there was the time he threw the n64 out the second story window cause he said lights out at 830 and now it's 834 and we still have game on.

Or the time my youngest brother didn't finish his homework before hoping on minecraft, so dad smashed the laptop around the living room for nearly 5 whole minutes. Mom made him buy brother a new computer that time.

When someone isn't doing what he wants he often breaks his own glasses. He get somewhere between 6 and 10 pairs per year.

Chrysania83 · 2021-07-16T17:11:03+00:00

My mom woke us all up at 2:00 in the morning once to throw away all of our stuffed animals because they were demon possessed.

I had these s***** little Avon dancing bear ballerinas that I had saved up for for months and she just smashed them to pieces.

Valen258 · 2021-07-16T17:25:03+00:00

When my mum discovered destroying my books was more hurtful than a grounding or a beating she did it more often.

vinceslammurphy · 2021-07-16T18:33:05+00:00

When I was just beginning to learn how to use computers independently, at around age 11 or so, I began saving various pictures I'd made in MS Paint and later short stories I'd written in WordPad to a flash drive. I brought it with me everywhere just in case I had the opportunity to use a computer and get into a creative mood. It was pretty much the most important thing I had as far as personal belongings, save clothes and writing supplies for school. At 13, my Nmom got supremely upset with me over something (I don't remember exactly what but it's not super important) and decided that an appropriate punishment for me was to take my flash drive and break it. Right in front of me. With a fucking pair of pliers.

I think that was the day I finally learned how to grey rock. Of course I didn't know what it was called at the time, but it's the first time I clearly remember completely shutting down any and all expressions of my emotions. I knew somehow that if I showed any sign of being upset, she'd start holding the incident over me somehow - "Hey, remember when ____ cried/threw a tantrum over losing a flash drive?" - conveniently ignoring that it contained almost all of my digital creative projects that I had ever made to that point.

I didn't expect to miss my earliest projects, but as I'm starting to forget what they even were, I can't shake the feeling that those were probably the purest expressions of my youth and imagination I had ever produced. And my Nmom literally crushed then.

"Fuck you, Mom" isn't NEARLY strong enough to express how I feel about that.

krispy_meme1731 · 2021-07-16T17:25:13+00:00

Oh yes, all the time. They weren't even mine don't you know, SHE bought them for me so they belonged to HER and she could do what she pleased with them.

DropDownSympathy · 2021-07-16T17:21:10+00:00

Yeah, she did that on a regular basis.

When I was around six, she put all my belongings, except for school books and basic clothing, in trash bags and stored them in the attic, cause I sucked at cleaning my room. At fricking six...

I tried to break into the attic to get at least my radio back, but she catched me and the next time I tried, everything was gone.

She also broke stuff I bought without her approval. Even in her "good phases" some of my stuff just randomly disappeared and when I asked, she had this smug look on her face and just said "Well, stuff shouldn't be taken for granted".

I'm thirty-two now and still so super protective about my belongings that I freak out everytime my partner moves something without telling me beforehand.

narcisse1013 · 2021-07-16T17:52:05+00:00

when i read about the things that Nparents do to their children, and think about my own experiences, i just ask myself (rhetorically!) -- what could a young kid do that's so bad that requires that level of punishment??? it is sad and heartbreaking.

my Nmom is very observant. when i was a kid she would hone in on the things i liked most and used confiscation as a punishment. she broke a few prized things of mine though, my CDs. i remember feeling like the world was ending.

bralex339 · 2021-07-16T17:33:05+00:00

Basically forced to throw away my entire Hot Wheels collection even tho I begged to keep them. Throwing out toys occurred every other month. The reason was “to keep the house clean” but that’s bs because fast forward to present day, she’s a hoarder. She still tells my sis and I to clean up our rooms even tho she is the messiest person in the house. It’s beyond frustrating

squirrelfoot · 2021-07-16T19:02:56+00:00

Yes. My nmother didn't like spending money on me, but people commented on my lack of toys, so she got me a plastic toy dog which I was very fond of. My aunt commented on the fact that it was a squeaky toy for dogs, which must have humiliated my nmother, so my nmother threw it out of the car window on the way home while my uncle was driving us. I was heartbroken, and probably "made a fuss", which wasn't allowed. My nmother insisted my uncle stop the car, and she hit me so badly that my uncle actually interfered and stopped her. I learned not to get too attached to things.

THATON3GUY · 2021-07-16T18:46:47+00:00

Mom sold my Gamecube at a yard sale while I was away at school then denied it forever. Just refused to acknowledge it. Juvenile and bizarre. Must have looked like I was having too much fun. It couldn’t have been more than $40 to her but she knew I loved that thing.

Anyways, I wasn’t “allowed” to have negative emotions so I expressed gratitude for her leaving the memory cards (in hindsight, she definitely just didn’t notice them or else they would have been gone too).

She would constantly remind me how “spoiled rotten” I was but I literally never asked for anything for fear of narcissistic rage. I refused to get in the gutter with her and she hated it. She would buy things exclusively to use them as leverage later on.

Our parents were just mean children in big bodies.

Paging_MrsDrFlam · 2021-07-16T18:54:06+00:00

Oh jeez, "trash bag party" was a coined term in my home. Room got too messy? Trash bag party! Wasn't really much of a party though, it was me screaming and crying, while nmom threw my stuff in a trashbag.

Another that resurfaced for me a few months back: I had a minnie mouse purse that I was SO proud of. I don't remember why, but nmom ripped it from my hands while driving and threw it out the window. When I asked about it as an adult, she claimed she never threw it out, and instead shoved it between the door and her seat. But I never saw it again, so I refuse to believe her gaslighting BS.

CSB103 · 2021-07-16T17:53:55+00:00

My mother always threatened to "clean up" my room with a giant garbage bag when my room wasn't tidy enough to her taste.

BlueRebelKin · 2021-07-16T17:56:21+00:00

Yes ish?

Technically she sold them all instead of breaking them.

When StepNarc married my EDad there was some pushing about us 4 from my dad’s 1st marriage (Mom died). I was 9 I think and was never privy to the conversations that took place. My Maternal Grandma had been taking care of us for years because the best source of income my dad could get was being a long haul trucker. Not exactly a way to raise kids.

My Grandma never told us kids what happened, even when asked she would refuse saying she was not about to color us. I never understood that expression until I was much older, basically she didn’t want to influence our opinions.

According to StepNarc (who I do not believe as far as I can throw her) my Grandma basically demanded the minute they got married that she and my dad take us. There was much back and forth about it and I do remember my Grandma getting into yelling fights over the phone. I assume with either StepNarc or EDad.

So at some point it was decided when we were moving north with EDad and StepNarc. Obviously 4 kids have a lot of stuff so some of it had to go. We were told to pack up what we thought was important one weekend while they were down.

The problem was that no one had explained to me (not sure on my brothers) what was happening with the rest of our stuff. It went to Auction and all us kids were there as our things were to be sold.

For one I am not sure why people thought it would be a good idea to have children who’s things are being sold at the auction. I am guessing people forgot babysitters were an option in the chaos? I could understand all the adults thinking someone else had it and not checking or something.

However, I figured out what was going on really quick and was immediately upset. Crying and screaming and probably having a bit of a temper tantrum.

StepNarc told me to get over it because it was just stuff. While this is true that seemed a very cold attitude towards a kid.

My Grandma I remember was mad as hell from StepNarc saying that to me. Grandma broke it down much better in explanation and then let me pick one more thing from my to be sold toys to keep. I calmed down but was still upset for quite awhile.

In true Narc fashion though my StepNarc refused to sell or get rid of anything of hers over the years. She still hordes useless expensive crap, but no one says anything because it’s organized in closets where she can hide the bills she can’t pay. It’s just stuff unless it’s her stuff.

TunaTonitini · 2021-07-16T18:35:13+00:00

My mom always gave my toys away or threw them out. We got a kitten several times and after a few months she always gave them away just as I was getting attached

Life_is_also_short · 2021-07-16T17:54:16+00:00

My Nmom used to destroy my things whenever she thought I had messed up something in the house. I'm relived to hear it's so common. It was hell for me and led me to have a healthy distrust for authority.

mylifeisathrowaway10 · 2021-07-16T18:41:26+00:00

If my dad wasn't happy with how I cleaned my room he'd stomp on all my breakable toys and say it was my fault for leaving them lying around. He would also sell random toys of mine he thought I wouldn't care about. A personalized autographed copy of a book I had disappeared one day never to be seen again and I'm pretty sure that's what happened.

therealyulie · 2021-07-16T19:17:52+00:00

One of the main that stands out to me was my cellphone in high school.

She made a fuss saying that if I wanted a phone, I would have to pay for it and she wouldn't help in any way, so I got a phone that I had to buy prepaid cards for because no one would let a 14-year-old sign a contract.

I didn't answer a call from her because I was on the subway and had no service. As soon as I got in the door, she ripped my bag from me, took my phone, and smashed it to bits with a hammer saying "if you're not going to answer my calls, you can't have this". I think she didn't like that I could do something without her help tbh.

Kindly_Coyote · 2021-07-16T18:53:57+00:00

My ex step "mother" did that all of the time. She could fly into a rage over some and any perceived slight, destroy, hide and throw away anything she saw was of value to us. Mt brother had built a wooden model ship. We came home from school one day and found that it had been smashed to pieces. My favorite toy given to me by my bio mother as a baby, came home and found it missing. Who goes and takes their rage out on a vulnerable and defenseless child? Or rather, what goes about and does things like that?

2021-07-16T20:10:40+00:00

She used to destroy books until I started borrowing them from the library.

But the one thing that stands out to me is that she always hated me and loved my siblings. One year for Christmas, in addition to getting them both a stack of other presents, she got them watches. Nice, trendy watches.

She got me a watch from Burger King. It was a nightmare before Christmas watch that - IIRC - cost about $3. I also got a couple if t-shirts. That’s it.

My parents were well off. This wasn’t a resource problem. I’ll never, ever forget the look of…I think it was glee. I think that’s the word. She looked gleeful as I was opening the gift. She wanted a rise. She didn’t get it. She commented a lot on how excited she hoped my sister was with her presents and would look at me and say ‘won’t that be cute on her’ in reference to my sister. I agreed.

It took all I could do not to burst into tears at that moment. I didn’t. I played along. And as we were getting ready to go to my paternal grandparents house I bawled in the shower. When my grandma asked me what I got I told her and she was appalled. She secretly gave me some money. My grandma was awesome.

My spineless father just didn’t care. He was always just the spectator. Christmas was my mother’s show.

Anyways, OP. The lasting effects are that I have rejected holidays. I love giving gifts randomly and despise - despise - opening presents. I cannot shake the small fear that someone is trying to tell me something the way my mother always did.

That happened when I was 15. It’s been almost 30 years.

beeegmec · 2021-07-16T18:47:35+00:00

[deleted]

Festernd · 2021-07-16T18:51:13+00:00

Burned quite a few books because they were 'evil'

The satanic panic was... A thing.

Cole-Rex · 2021-07-16T19:17:09+00:00

I have issues with hoarding as an adult because of this. Most of my weird things like that all stem from a lack of control in my life.

whipacupcake · 2021-07-16T17:48:38+00:00

There was a hole at the bottom of my door because my mom opened the door so hard that the little spring plunger went right through the hollow wood.

She went looking for her hairbrush that I apparently took and snapped my (gifted to me) comb in half when it was “shit quality” and didn’t work for her.

SnootyHedgehog · 2021-07-16T18:26:43+00:00

Shattered a glass butterfly of mine that I absolutely loved by throwing it out into the hall with all of my belongings because she decided my room was too messy. I was three or four.

Trashula_Lives · 2021-07-16T18:47:22+00:00

I remember once my grandma was trying to get socks on me; I was only about 6 years old or so, and I was distracted playing with one of my favorite toys (one of those "grabber" things with a chompy shark at the end of a stick). So naturally, her reaction was to yank it out of my hands, snap it in half, and throw it across the room.

My mom mostly just took my things to keep for herself or give to my sister (even if they were gifts from her) rather than destroying them, unless it was a drawing. I loved to draw, and she loved to snatch up my drawings and crumple them as punishment for "drawing in class" or if she didn't like the subject matter of the drawing, or just when she was going on one of her "cleaning" rampages (aka going through my things, emptying out drawers, then leaving me to clean up her mess after she'd dumped anything that wasn't homework into a trash bag).

I don't doubt having your things destroyed like that is traumatizing. I still get kind of anxious/uncomfortable when I see those grabber toys, and I can't stand for anyone to come into my room and touch my things even as an adult. Sometimes those memories will come back to me seemingly at random, or be triggered by something I saw or some event, and it'll throw me off balance for the rest of the day.

Those incidents may not be the worst things they did, but it's what it says about them as people that really made it traumatic. These are supposed to be the people taking care of you and setting an example, but they're lashing out at you--a child--in immature, destructive ways, and taking it out on the things you love specifically to hurt you. It's not dumb for you to still be sad about it. It's just really messed up that it happened.

bythehill · 2021-07-16T18:56:25+00:00

My dad stomped on my Sega genesis because he asked me to clean something but I took too long to do it. In reality, it had only been 3 minutes and because he saw me playing a game on the genesis, he took the controller from me and stomped on it several times with right foot. He was and still is emotionally abusive. I would always get scared when he raised his voice even though he never hit me. He never hit my mom either but when he raised his voice, it would just ruin our day. Any little thing would set him off. God I hate him

2021-07-16T19:22:49+00:00

My mom gave all my care bears to the neighbors and their dog chewed them up and I didn't know until I went to their house and they were all in pieces all over their floor. She said I had too many stuffed animals so she gave away my favorites for their dog

Upstairs_Ad_2390 · 2021-07-16T19:06:04+00:00

Well, a couple years ago, my mom destroyed all my electronics that she could find. I had my phone andmy school laptop, but my tv, xbox, nintendo switch, drawing tablet, and gaming pc were destroyed. Worst part? I saved up all my money from working with my grandpa and I purchased all my stuff. And when I said that she better pay for that stuff, she kicked me out of the house for the night. I slept in the park, walked back home, and she tried convincing my family that I broke everything.

Nyghtslave · 2021-07-16T19:39:22+00:00

My stepdad trashed so many of my things when I was still living at home. A CD I forgot to take out of "his" CD player (which was just the one we had in the living room), my favorite pants because he didn't agree with how I wore them, things I had emotional attachment to but he didn't feel like moving (we moved a lot), so he would throw them away. He'd get me nice things like a CD player in my bedroom, but one time he came in in a fit of rage and literally threw it at the wall, barely missing me. I'll also never forget when I was 16 or 17, and I had my super old discman under my pillow for when I couldn't sleep. I got it as a birthday present for my ninth birthday from my grandparents. One night he was in my room, saw a little cable running under my pillow and found it. It wasn't even playing or anything, just laying there. He yanked it off the cable, threw it on the floor, and stomped on it with his foot until it was in pieces. I can't even remember how many things he trashed or destroyed because he didn't like them or when he did, I wasn't using it in the way he approved of, which changed by the day so there was no winning

PriorityLanky1642 · 2021-07-16T19:19:48+00:00

Yes, my mother hammered all of my toys in a box, about a month after Christmas. She did it right in front of me.

Because I was 7, I made a comment in front of her friends that told on her for talking trash behind their back. She was pissed and that was my punishment.

TheOrigRayofSunshine · 2021-07-16T19:25:41+00:00

My nmother, after we ignored her and not dropped everything to clean our rooms: “That’s it, I’m getting the trash bags! If you can’t bother cleaning, you have too much stuff!”

She would start shoving everything she could grab into trash bags, with screaming and crying and whatnot. I probably told her I hated her quite a few times when she did this. She also said she just hid the stuff, but it never reappeared, except at her garage sales.

As I got older, she just took things and gave them to siblings. I saved up for the atari. My GC brother has it after I paid for it. So, so many things. Gone.

Because god forbid, the ocd neat freak with no life could live with toys on the floor in a bedroom.

She never did this to GC brother. And now, at 46, he’s a hoarder and has several rooms and a basement in her home filled floor to ceiling. Would I ever get away with that? Absolutely not.

Seriously, before I found this sub, I thought all parents did some of this. We saw the behavior on tv. My friends put up with similar crap. I guess we are friends because we may have bonded over this type of parent behavior.

Now, if I see the behavior, damn it makes me mad. Putting it on tv like that seems like it normalizes it.

RedNewPlan · 2021-07-16T19:21:36+00:00

I loved my Lego a great deal, it and Meccano were the saviors of my childhood. One day, when I was a bit older, I was visiting my father's house, and my Lego was at my mothers. She took it without asking, and took it into her classroom (she was a teacher), and merged it into the class set. Gone forever. She was not apologetic. At the time, I was very upset, but she told me I was not allowed to be upset.

At the time, I just felt upset. Now, looking back, it is very clear how terrible she was to me, and how much of a narcissist she was. When I read the posts here, about terrible parents, I think "my mother did that too!". Too bad there was no internet when I was a kid.

ShadowBeans666 · 2021-07-16T19:28:59+00:00

Oh my God I just had this conversation with my husband and he was upset but not surprised that this happened. I thought that all parents did this.

Growning up, my mom insisted that I had to look out the window whenever we were in the car. Absolutely no distractions. Her reasoning was "if I have a heart attack or we get in an accident and I die, you need to be able to tell the police EXACTLY where we are". So whenever I would get distracted, she would clutch her chest and start gasping for air like she was having a heart attack. This wasn't the only time she would do this, probably once or twice a week she would pretend to be dead or dying to see what my reaction would be. One Christmas (I was maybe 8?) she had gotten me a brand new Gameboy Color. I was ESTATIC. So I start it up and play for a bit and climb in the car for the ten minute drive to my grandma's house. I couldn't figure out how tf to save my game so I was fiddling with it, and without missing a beat my mom rolls down her window, snatches it out of my hand, and pitches it out of the window on the freeway. I was DEVESTATED. Her only reasoning was "I'm not gonna die on the side of the road because you can't stop playing video games".

Hate to say it, but it was not the first or last time something like that happened to my stuff.

placentacasserole · 2021-07-16T20:01:14+00:00

My mom would regularly break or take my stuff, but the most impactful time was her trashing my room and then taking it from me. We were on our way home from my parent/ teachers conferences and I was failing Algebra. She screamed at me and slapped me on the drive home. When she got tired of that, she kicked me out of the car to walk home. She went home and broke cd's that meant a lot to me. She tore up posters. She threw away clothes. She just basically trashed my room and then I was made to sleep on my sister's floor for the remainder of high school.

Later as an adult, I was living with her right after I had my daughter. We got into some kind of disagreement and she threw my stuff, including baby gear out of a second story window. I had painstakingly bought most of these items on a very limited income. A lot of the items came from my baby shower. Most of it was broken. All my baby's clothes were littering the driveway. Then she kicked me out for the third time. It was a whole new betrayal for her to ruin my baby's things. Things that I worked really hard to provide.

Now she's essentially using my house as her personal storage shed and when I feel the resentment bubbling up I envision throwing her shit in the fucking dumpster. I wouldn't though. I am better than that and better than her.

It took me a long time to feel like I deserved anything.

2021-07-16T20:02:45+00:00

My parents gave my dog away without telling me. They didn’t even say afterward what they did — we just moved and he never showed up again. I had to call around my family and try to figure out what the hell happened, and they were all so cagey. All of these adults knew exactly what they did, and no one had the guts to tell me wtf they’d done with my best friend.

SkygirlFlygirl · 2021-07-16T19:10:42+00:00

Yes. My mom would also steal any gift that was given to me by another adult. It would just disappear while I was at school and when I asked about it she’d say I should take better care of my things and lie. She just gaslit me continuously my whole childhood. I really thought I lost everything, didn’t deserve gets and was an irresponsible peice of trash. Nope my mom would break ruin rip apart my stuff and keep it from me.

boringlesbian · 2021-07-16T19:23:10+00:00

Yes. I got used to my mom periodically ransacking my room and trashing/throwing away anything she arbitrarily decided I shouldn’t have. It didn’t matter if if was a gift from someone or I bought it myself. Nothing was safe and I tried to never get attached to anything.

Also we moved a lot and even if I carefully packed something there was always a good chance that I would never see it again.

I had nothing that belonged to me and no privacy until I left at 18. I still don’t get attached to things. I am almost 50.

Horcux8 · 2021-07-16T17:36:05+00:00

Yes and so for that reason I knew not to get too attached. Plus she didn’t do a lot of shopping for me so what I did have was pretty minimal

Francis_the_great · 2021-07-16T18:59:53+00:00

On more than one occasion as a child my mom would barrel through my room with a trash bag and stuff all of my toys into it while screaming about how filthy my room was. She never went through with actually throwing them away, it was just a scare tactic to get me to clean. Nevertheless it was extremely traumatic...

False-Animal-3405 · 2021-07-16T19:38:44+00:00

Yes, I have a particularly painful memory of my father throwing away my toys for no reason after my mom died. I recall running after him down the street begging for my toys back. He destroyed a particular toy that my mom had bought me that I still remember to this day (20 years later). He turned into a goddamn monster.

Jenn54 · 2021-07-16T20:06:27+00:00

I used to want to be a chef

I would make a recipe book from cutting out free recipes from newspapers, promotions and magazine etc

I was really proud of it and stated so to my mother and narc / sociopath sister

Then the recipe scrapbook disappeared, as they did not view the profession as suitable. I was about six or seven. I think they burnt it.

20 years later the narc /sociopath sister married a sous chef. So apparently it is ok as a profession.

I was so sad about that, still feel sad when thinking about it as I always was looking for the book I made and asked them if they saw it, and they would just be silent. It made me so happy and I was so sad it was gone, felt such disappointment as I knew they took it. There was no where else for it to be as I kept it in my room. The controlling urge is so f*kd up, I would never want to control another.

rusrslolwth · 2021-07-16T21:12:13+00:00

When I was in my early twenties, I went to stay with a friend without telling my mother. She is extremely controlling, wouldn't let me get a driver's license, stole money from my bank account, while calling me irresponsible. I had enough, was on the brink of suicide, and I needed out.

Well, that "friend" didn't want me to stay with them anymore because of my mother's threats. I was basically homeless and couch surfing, when my mother convinced me to visit.

Before I left, my room was in complete disrepair. Peeling linoleum tiles, broken closet doors, broken fan light, etc. My mother refused to repair any of it. I walked into that room to notice that she had thrown out EVERYTHING. my bed/bedding, computer, tv, even my clothes. Everything in that room, she took out. For years she lied about where it all went, always saying it was somewhere else.

But I know she threw it all out. Everything that I owned...gone. the most devastating was when my brother nonchalantly showed me his mp3 player. MY mp3 player, that he stole.

dannydevitosmgnmdong · 2021-07-16T18:46:53+00:00

Even when I would buy my own appliances, clothes, condoms anything they didn’t approve of and would act like they didn’t

Especially my food/appliances I had they didn’t respect my possessions or me they would toss them in the trash or throw them and hide them somewhere and play hero when I would look for it

2021-07-16T19:42:55+00:00

She tore the head off my beloved teddybear in my face. And tore down my alphabet poster, and wall paper. I’ve blacked out most my childhood, but I remember this clear as day. Sorry you had to go through it. Stay strong x

beeegmec · 2021-07-16T20:52:32+00:00

My stuff would just disappear and she would lie about it for some reason. One time she threw out my gym sneakers that I needed for gym class or I’d get a bad grade. I dug them out of the trash cause I finally figured it out where my things were going.

It was always be something random, like my PS2 after I got back from college, shoes were often targets, coats, etc. And she would always says she had no idea where it went and got angry if I confronted her.

She’d threaten to throw out other stuff for punishment, so for example put all my clothes and belongings into trash bags, but she didn’t actually toss that it was just to humiliate me and make me clean up my entire room from scratch. At least that made sense though. Or she’d get my dad to break stuff on her behalf.

But the random things that would just disappear… it’s not like it was gaslighting cause she didn’t accuse me of putting them somewhere else and forgetting. I’d just get ready for school and the shoes I wore yesterday were gone. She’s a wackadoo

Bree0114 · 2021-07-16T20:58:48+00:00

Close, my gramma would bust into mine and my brothers room and see that our cleaning was not satisfactory enough for her. She would do things like throw our bedding everywhere and tell us to remake the beds, or knock over piles of books and demand we reshelve them. If we heard the vacuum, we got our asses in gear so she wouldn’t freak out. She got less crazy as we got older, maybe because we were harder to control, but she still did classic narc shit throughout our lives living with her. She mostly ignored us as we got older. I gave her a lot of pushback because even though I didn’t know any terminology yet, I knew what she was, still is.

I also lived with my aunt for a short time, thought I was escaping the situation but she had the same traits. When living with her became dangerous I went back to my grammas, from one narc to another and back again, and my aunt was so pissed that when she was packing up my things, she broke a lot of my dead mothers items that I cherished. I assume she held a box next to the table I displayed these items on, and just shoved them all in the box. I still have them even though some of them were damaged badly. These two scenarios stick out in my head.

The hardest part of it all is you never get out of these situations unscathed. I fight bad parenting behaviour every day and I’m nearing 30 with 3 kids. I still struggle daily with trying not to be like her. It’s hard but posts like these, as sad as they are, are good mental checks for me. To remind myself to not be her and treat my kids better, because they deserve it. It’s so easy to get lost in emotions, but I try my hardest and try to cope with my own shit so they don’t have to live like I did.

televisuicide · 2021-07-16T20:56:54+00:00

My dad worked for a subset of Campbell Soup and they gave away these ornaments to all the employees every year. My favorite had the two Campbell's soup kids sitting on Santa’s lap. My dad liked it too. My mom hated it. It “broke” when I was in high school. A few years later, I found it on eBay and put it up. She broke that one too.

abelenkpe · 2021-07-16T21:02:53+00:00

I vividly remember my dad getting mad at my little brother. He lined us up and screamed at him. My sister and I were there as scared mute witnesses. My dad picked up my brothers Xmas present, a toy rifle that shot suction cup darts, and slammed it across the back of the rocking chair, breaking it in many pieces. It left a mark in the soft wood of the chair back. I can’t remember why my dad was upset or what my brother had done. But every time I saw the back of that chair and the indentation left from the toy gun I remember my father’s screaming red face, the feeling of helplessness and fright. I hate that chair.

Anathem · 2021-07-16T18:58:44+00:00

My mom would break my CDs if she discovered they had “obscene” lyrics.

Let me tell you, there are not many rock, alt, punk, metal, rap, or pop music artists who use no profanity whatsoever.

RemoteImportance9 · 2021-07-16T19:27:03+00:00

A lot of stuff was taken away and donated but she once ripped a video game poster I really liked off my door and threw it away because it was just a female character - nothing suggestive, just a sketchbook-like, drawing of the main female character.

Nmom also likes to pretend that things I bought with my own money are things she’s bought. I started keeping receipts when I can.

Edited: I can’t replace it. It was something that came with the game when you bought it. And I’m fairly sure it’d be crazy expensive since the game is out of print.

I ended up buying a cheap poster at 5 below that’s Deadpool and a dinosaur spitting cats out.

2021-07-16T19:28:57+00:00

I once ran into the house after school and inadvertently jostled a knick knack from the shelf, breaking it. It had belonged to my grandma, so my mom was furious.

That night my favorite necklace was "accidentally" knocked from a bathroom hook and broken. She was totally stone faced as she told me. There was no hint of sorrow. She did it intentionally to hurt a 7/8 year old.

KairosHS · 2021-07-16T19:38:28+00:00

Yes. I got an mp3 player I had been begging for on my birthday. When she found out I had non-Christian music on it (an Eminem album) she said I had to destroy it and handed me a hammer. When I instead destroyed it by smashing it on the floor out of anger and frustration, I got a beating for "giving in to my anger". I still feel rage when I remember that moment 10 years later.

dubious_life · 2021-07-16T19:12:41+00:00

No but my parent made me give my favorite teddy bear to a cousin who was visiting us.

lunchbox634 · 2021-07-16T20:10:37+00:00

My dad would fly into a rage and break things. Once he demanded I hand him my smartphone when I was 17 and he chucked it across the room. It bounced off the entertainment center and the screen popped out. He felt bad later and ended up buying me a new phone (luckily Verizon thought it was a manufacturing defect so I was able to get a replacement). Another instance I recall was with my little brother who used to be obsessed with toy swords (he had hundreds). Once again my dad broke one of his favorite swords in half out of rage. My brother was only 3 or 4 (I am 10 years older) and was crying so hard, I remember crying with him. My dad once again felt bad the next day and bought him a new sword. I think we swept these things under the rug because he'd "buy our love back" later on (so he got a free pass). I have a soon-to-be three year old daughter now and I can't even fathom treating her the way our parents did (or being the mom that enables the behavior).

Edit: Looking back I think it's stupid though, they were breaking things THEY paid for. Therefore, wasting their OWN money. I think it's more of a power-related thing tbh.

UnoriginalJunglist · 2021-07-16T20:12:19+00:00

Yes. A go-kart me and my Ndad built together when I was 9. It meant so much to me and he smashed it to pieces in front of me one time because I accidentally knocked over a box of nails in his shed and he got angry. It was the first time I learned that people who are supposed to love me and care for me would hurt me if I upset them. This fucked me up with anxiety and attachment issues until I managed to address this in my mid 20s.I didn't speak to him for 3 months afterwards and never really trusted him again.

greenappletw · 2021-07-16T20:30:07+00:00

Yupp one of my most vivid early memories as well

I got really attached this cheap plastic red hairband. It was the best thing ever in my eyes and I took it with me everywhere for the week or so that I had it.

My mom accidentally stepped on it when I was playing on the floor, and she got so mad that she picked it up, snapped it in half, and threw it in the trash. All while looking me in the eye.

I think this memory stood out to me in particular because it was so cruel, even a child could see it. My mom was actually the most openly cruel when I was a child and she thinks I don't remember, but I have a lot of vivid childhood memories. It's interesting because that's when she thought she could show her true face without any repercussions.

Luwizzle · 2021-07-16T21:01:08+00:00

Her overriding need for control and tidiness meant she threw away EVERYTHING that had any meaning for me. Then she'd make me feel guilty for asking for it and pretend she had no idea what I was talking about. Rinse and repeat, my entire life.

RoseMarieBlack · 2021-07-16T21:03:52+00:00

My mom would rip out every page of every notebook (the ones I used for school, mind you) I'd doodle on and make me re-write all my notes. I'd doddle because it was the only way I could manage to sit still for hours, since I had been diagnosed with ADHD at a very young age (tho she never told anyone at school, stopped giving me my meds and only a couple years ago told me about it). I used to love drawing and painting. Now I can't draw a stick figure to save my life, so it's safe to say it fucked me up in a way.

2021-07-16T21:14:07+00:00

She used to destroy everything I show some love towards. It made it hard to trust people near my stuff so I now hide eveything of value I own. The firts thing she destroyed was a skirt I used to love so much as a child I remember I'd wash it just so I could wear it more than once per week. Last thing she destroyed was a beautiful purse, I used to go everywhere with it. Sometimes she goes into my room and takes things from my closet, only things she bought me, that's her excuse, since she payed for it it really belongs to her. I hate it here but I can't move yet.

2021-07-16T22:14:02+00:00

Kind of? In that she let people steal/destroy/damage my things. She would either make excuses or promise to replace them but when I would ask when she'd replace them it was excuses on why she wouldn't.

One big incident I remember is when I was 17 I had been collecting toys for about 3 years at that point and they were my pride and joy. I had spent 100s of dollars on my collection and I displayed it in packaging because it made me intensely happy.

One day I went into my room and found about 75% of them missing. It turns out my sister's (6 and 8 at the time, so they definitely knew better.) went into my room and took the toys I'd spent years collecting, some which were out of production at that point, and played with them. They took them out of the packaging, rubbed their grubby little hands all over them, tangled hair on monster high dolls(rarer ones too) and just destroyed most of my collection. Years of meticulous care destroyed in an afternoon. At that point I had also started customizing dolls and sewing them clothes, they took those too and damaged faceups that took days.

I ended up having a meltdown after years of not having one(I am autistic and the toys were deeply comforting for me) and I sobbed for hours. My sisters weren't home and neither was my mother. What I could recover was damaged beyond repair, and destroyed. It still makes me boil with rage to this day. I've forgiven my sisters because they were just being kids, albeit entitled and rude, but still kids.

My mom promised to replace all of it, and I pestered her for months until she guilted me into shutting up about it. Still it hurt so bad and I've never forgiven her. Reading this has made me realize she never apologized either lol.

2021-07-16T19:54:42+00:00

I’m still angry at my dad for getting rid of my book collection at the age of 14 or so after saving for each book, reading was my way of escape. I turned to drugs shortly afterwards

Herecomestheginger · 2021-07-16T20:03:26+00:00

All the time. Anything that was in my dads path while he was in a bad mood got picked up and smashed. Chairs, plates, my guitar... Didn't matter if I had been the cause of the bad mood or not, anything and everything got a smashed. And of course no apology later, just everyone pretending nothing happened and my mum cleaning it all up while he left the house to burn off steam.

2021-07-16T20:03:51+00:00

I remember one time, I was in trouble (as always) with my stepdad. Dad took me out and bought me a really nice jacket. Zip up fake leather with cloth lining and a cloth hood. I LOVED it. My dream jacket. Stepdad me wearing it, made me take it off, and dumped it in the trash in front of me

Error-5O0 · 2021-07-16T20:06:30+00:00

My bfs dad did this. He got in a fight with his step mom where she tried to hit him and he defended himself, he climbed out the window to go to school and when he came back home all he had was a dresser and a mattress on the floor. His dad had burned and thrown away all his shit.

rrquinta · 2021-07-16T20:24:40+00:00

This type of thing happened so much that I actually have “loud/angry noises of someone throwing stuff away” is a huge trigger for me, and I have had panic attacks about this before I finally was able to realize WHY…. One of the memories I do have in particular was my mom bursting into my room, grabbing a program from the circus that I had gotten when I was 5 and was a special memory, tearing it in half for no reason, and throwing it away. It still upsets me even now. So yes I definitely understand.

shayzelala · 2021-07-16T20:26:18+00:00

Yup. She would lay out our toys/dolls and smash away at the with an actual hammer in her rage. Or she would bag up our favorites and “donate” them. We would scrounge up change and walk to the closest thrift store to look for them but we never found them. As an adult, I can say she probably just trashed them. Such a vile vile woman.

SunflowerDaYarnPony · 2021-07-16T20:36:55+00:00

My grandma used to buy me clay that I'd use to bake dragons and toys to play with.

If my mom found them she'd kick them down the stairs or throw them.

Same with my stuffed animals.

I started hiding them in garbage bags and only pulling them out from under my bed when I was home alone.

It completely shattered my trust in people and my sense of safety.

I could come home from school and find my things broken or thrown away.

The worst was when she donated my Buzz Lightyear without telling me. I loved him and played with him everyday and took him to school. The ONE TIME, I left him on the couch and the next day he was gone.

Once I moved out I finally was able to have plush again, but I do still feel this fear that suddenly I could lose everything at any moment. My house, my car, my things, someone could just take them all. I hate being so paranoid now.

yoshigeorgia · 2021-07-16T20:55:19+00:00

My mom threw my xylophone down the stairs because I left it by the door! I was a heartbroken 8 year old for sure

AshMaker2020 · 2021-07-16T18:32:39+00:00

They threw my favorite barbie doll in the trash...

Peri_D0t · 2021-07-16T18:33:21+00:00

My dad would regularly go into my room when I wasnt home and throw away my games

lipstickmouse · 2021-07-16T20:38:32+00:00

Reading through OP’s post and all of the comments is giving me too many flashbacks and repressed memories of the way my aunt treated me to type out. But I relate to so much of what has been said. I love you all and wish nothing but healing and happiness going forward. My heart is aching and I’m going to go hold my own little girl for a bit. Much love.

LederhosenLeprechaun · 2021-07-16T20:42:36+00:00

I don’t think my case is as extreme as others, but my mom always used to get easily frustrated with me whenever she tried to help me with my math homework, and there were times where she’d scream at me, and start throwing mini tantrums when I didn’t understand the material she was trying to help me with. One time she told me to bring “my favorite game.” I didn’t like where she was going with that, so I brought a game I barely played. She threatened to destroy it if I didn’t answer this equation we were stuck on correctly. I got it wrong due to all the pressure and she ended up destroying that game with scissors. She ended up destroying more of my games each time I got it wrong, and eventually sent me to bed once she got fed up with me. It made me more reluctant to ask her for help and I even asked my 3rd grade teacher to not give me math homework because of stuff like that, which surprisingly worked a couple of times.

You know what’s kinda bullshit? I actually answered correctly during one of the times she asked me repeatedly. And she still destroyed one of the games. At least she felt bad about it the next morning I guess? Too bad she never stopped getting easily frustrated with me. Nowadays whenever she gets frustrated with me, albeit not to the extent she used to go before, she somehow turns it around on me saying that I was somehow in the wrong, and tells me to get over it whenever I tell her how I felt about it. So..: improvement? Question mark?

apparentlynot5995 · 2021-07-16T20:44:55+00:00

Yep. My Nmom liked to have me "help" her throw away all my stuff. Most of it went into the burning pile in the backyard and she'd make me watch it burn, smiling that sick, empty smile while I cried. I learned fast to leave my treasured things at my grandma's where they were safe. I'd only get to play with them maybe once a month, but they were SAFE.

AndSheDoes · 2021-07-16T20:46:55+00:00

Yes. We moved every few years and every move I’d notice stuff was “missing.” It’s kind of hard not to miss one of three of my boxes not making it. As I got older, Nmom was constantly trying to get me to give stuff away—stuff I was still using. I didn’t have much and realize now I cherished it more than I should’ve, but not having control over your stuff does that. I took care of and kept track of my things, but I wasn’t the golden child.

jellen525 · 2021-07-16T20:51:27+00:00

My clothes! Doesn't matter who paid for them. If they didn't hold up to my NDad then they were in the garbage. He said I could wear the same pair of jeans every day if I needed to...and I did. For a whole year, through the summer.

malfeliiix · 2021-07-16T21:01:46+00:00

My mother wouldn’t destroy my toys but she would throw a ton out without warning, toys I actively loved and played with.

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